I don't know why, but this has been my favorite part of today

Here is the story of Teddy Roosevelt, based on what I learned by eavesdropping on a museum tour guide this weekend: the dude was a crazy cowboy, but he also went to Harvard, so he was like an ironic cowboy at first but then got so into it that he became a regular cowboy. Then he moved back East and was like “no time for cowboys, I’ll get a job” but then the Spanish-American war broke out, so he called up a mix of his Harvard friends and his cowboy friends, and they all went down to Cuba as The Rough Riders and rode horses and were like “yee haw!” and then he lied to the newspapers about all the Spaniards he killed, so he kind of became like this celebrity I guess, thanks to Yellow Journalism, and then he moved back to New York and got picked to be the Republican VP nominee cause he was so famous. Meanwhile the chairman of the RNC didn’t like this idea and was like, “My God, there’s only one man between this idiot and presidency!” and then literally like one second later the RNC chairman had to EAT HIS HAT because McKinley got assassinated and “NOW THERE’S A COWBOY IN THE WHITEHOUSE!” (the end)