grr

so, this morning did not go quite as anticipated. to register for library classes we have to get our schedules approved on paper by our advisers a week before online registration starts. so i email my adviser over two weeks ago to arrange a meeting, cause really, i am at a loss with this whole grad school thing so am in actually desperate need of advisement. my adviser takes forever to respond and i still end up having to send a rather terse email on tues. afternoon since the damn forms are DUE by today. in response my adviser sets up a meeting for 930 am friday (ie. today). which is fine although a little last minute. i even make an effort this morning to look half-way decent and scholarly. i show up at 930 for said appointment. my adviser is not here. she is feeling "unwell" but has left her home phone number for me to call and do a "tele-conference." which of course nearly sends me into tears. actual tears do not appear until phone call is in progress, since adviser does not have my folder, has never met me and is not actually prepared to discuss my grad school career as a whole, which is the real help that i need. the result is that i lie and say i have a cold to cover the sounds of my sniveling. and i end up theoretically registering for a class in access to health sciences. which is just about the last place i want to be. i mean, it might work out and actually fit with my possible desire to specialize in women's studies librarianship, but not having an actual discussion about any of this has left me feeling completely NOT confident or happy or shiny in the least. and when i tell my adviser about the women's studies-ness, she's all like "oh, maybe you should take a class over there, have you talked to them yet? so you could take one in the spring" and i say, of course, "no" BECAUSE I NEEDED ADVISEMENT!!!!! and so i haven't actually started planning such things. you know, cause i thought maybe an adviser might help me with that, not assume that i have done things on my own that i really have no understanding about. so i arrive at work attempting (and apparently succeeding) to hide my emotional distress, which is fairly over-reactive after all and spent the morning trying to look and feel less miserable. i am feeling a bit better at the moment, but only because i've calmed down and been distracted, not because any root problems have actually been solved. yay. i am so glad i am going to baltimore this weekend.